Little wonders

I visited the OB Farmers Market for the first time with Mattie. It was all charming simply because I felt like I was thrown back into a whirlwind of Woodstock. Seriously, hippies everywhere. Old hippies, baby hippies, dog hippies. It was pretty remarkable.

I bought some divine cilantro jalapeno hummus. Matt also got some hummus and a sweet succulent. 

But my favorite part was when I bought a minimalist bracelet: some red crochet twine with a single golden feather. I had been debating between the red one and a brown one and the vendor said that the red one looked best on me. He then proceeded to give me a little discount. 

It's nice finding happiness in the little things. Like succulents, a feather charm, a friendly price cut, and the content lifestyle of people who do not allow unnecessary things to phase them.

Where my feet fail

My mind has been so restless these days, and my heart so heavy. I often find myself exhaling deeply as if I'm trying to stabilize a running breath. The thoughts that race through my mind evoke such a strong physical response, I honestly feel like I've been sprinting tirelessly. I guess it helped that I got some running in today where I got to trick my mind into thinking that my rapid heart rate is promoting the secretion of happy hormones and not a product of anxiety. 

However, these past couple of days have not been easy. My emotions have run the gamut of all things negative: there has been hurt, anxiety, disappointment, frustration, and resentment. But none compares to an immense sadness. 

But if anything positive is to come out of this, it's the recognition of the amazing people who have taken the time to be with me, whether they know about what's going on in my life or not. I have cried to my mother and brother, I have been prayed for over the phone by one of my dearest college friends, and I have cried with another who is going through something all too similar. And two of my dearest, long-time friends allowed me to be that embarassing public weeper, and comforted me the whole way.

And unbeknownst to them, there are people who have made me realize that I am surrounded by individuals of earnest compassion: a friend invited me to watch a documentary in the theater, my pastor and cousin visited me at work at 5 o'clock in the morning, and another suggested I go bike riding with him. 

All encounters have nurtured the healing process in a way. And knowing this gives me hope.

Seriously, what have I done to deserve the love and support of so many people?  

You're just my cup of tea

Genmai cha is my latest tea obsession.

DTLA with DPF

Boyfriend and books. These are a few of my favorite things.

A little bit hippie.

Lately I've been taking the "live and let live" mantra pretty seriously when it comes to the health of my body. It's not in the sense of an abandonment of any dietary structure. I actually just want my body to live in the way it has been designed to live without all sorts of medical interventions. With the helpful and informative conversations of my older cousins, I'm just beginning to realize how perfectly capable our bodies are. 

Now I've always acknowledged that the human body is capable of infinite feats when it comes to athleticism. That is not new to me at all and that is hugely why I enjoy watching sports. You get to witness the human body perform at an optimum level, and often times with a grace that only the consummate athletic body could achieve. And on a personal level (that really pales in comparison to professional athletes but oh well), my humble running career can attest to the completion of distances I'd never thought were feasible. 

What is a new idea to me, however, is the homeostatic competence of our bodies. There's something about me trusting my body to take care of itself that appeals to me. And when I think about how carefully we are designed in our DNA, that natural capability makes sense to me. That's where biology becomes so beautiful.  

An actual example is how I've been treating my skin. I've been plagued with pretty crumby skin on my face since I was a teen. (Huge side note: yesterday Paulo told me that I looked pretty while being only inches away from my crazy flawed face. And I felt like a million dollars because 1) Paulo hardly utters a compliment and 2) it was nice to have one of my biggest insecurities overlooked for a moment, haha.) 

But anyway, I have decided to forgo any medications. I've had my go with products and topical creams that were nothing more than earth-shattering chemical baths on my body. For now, I'm using all natural products. I'm trying to work alongside with my body and I hope everything will end peacefully. 

Another example of honoring the human body, albeit irrelevant to me right now, has to do with home birthing. For thousands and thousands of years, the female body has been competent in bringing life about the earth and it's only been relatively recently where that innate capability has been questioned. Society does not think that a mother can birth her own child without medical intervention. She needs to be treated, she needs to be tested, she needs a c-section, she needs to be rescued.

Nope.

Maybe I'm just a little wary of the healthcare business that would sooner diagnose for dollars than it would give actual aid. With any hope, this new lifestyle will be a beneficial experience. Hopefully it ends with my body finding a naturally restored balance. And hopefully this whole endeavor will shed light on how fearfully and wonderfully the human body is made. Maybe our salvation is in what's already created on this earth and in ourselves, not what's manufactured in a lab.

Now that's poetic justice.

Better with age.

A couple of nights ago, I got to spend time with a few of my favorite girls. We decided to test the waters beyond our typical stouts and IPAs and have a night of nice wine. I personally still have a bit of a ways to go in terms of developing a taste for wine, but it was still a lot of fun!

So long, long hair

 

I always said I'd chop it all off. 

It was a sort of goal I had set for myself earlier in 2013. I had pushed it into the summer, then until after my grandparent's 50th anniversary, then til the fall, and at a point I had even told myself not to cut it until just right before I planned to move to LA. It was fear and procrastination and discomfort that would always make me push it back. 

I would even articulate my plan to cut my hair for months to friends and coworkers, hoping that it would somehow make my word more real and valid. And although saying I'd do something is innocent enough, if it's said ad nausuem with absolutely nothing to show for it...then despite how earnestly I want my goals, my words would be nothing more than wind. And the wind that comes out of my mouth probably isn't any better than the wind coming out of my ass. 

Then I started thinking about it: if I couldn't take the leap with something as transient and trivial as a hair style, then what made me so sure I could follow through on my word about something truly life altering, like moving to a new city? How long have I been saying I'd move away? How long have I been pushing back the date so that I can cozy up on comfort?

So I did the damn thing!

I think the storied situation for a person to do a drastic haircut is because of a failed relationship or to forget something very painful. That is most certainly not the case for me. But maybe there's something deeper to the act of getting a drastic haircut and it's the assertion of pure ownership of one's body, life, destiny, whatever. It could be that physical reminder that picks up the pieces after a relationship.It could also be that physical reminder that spurs a young adult into completely owning her life.

And that's what I'm talking about. That's the shit I like.

Here's to making big moves.