I definitely miss my guy.

Maybe we're braver than we think

Every once in a while, I like to look back at my "likes" or the blog posts that I've bookmarked. The time I spend doing this feels a lot like looking over an old photo album or like having a good listen to a favorite song that has gone unheard for years. It feels both refreshing and strengthening.

This particular post from Thought Catalog is always a joy to return to. Here are a few quotes that have left impressions on me:

"Go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is." Jimmy Carter 

"You can’t outwit fate by standing on the sidelines placing little sidebets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything you have to play the game or you don’t play at all. And if you don’t play you can’t win." Judith McNaught 

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." Bill Cosby 

"If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat! Just get on." Sheryl Sandberg

"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." John A. Shedd

"The question isn't who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me." Ayn Rand

You got a fast car

I'm definite that there will be a certain point where working two jobs six days straight will take its toll, but for now it's energizing. Every once in a while, I get little vignettes of what a full-fledged life of independence could look like. For example, I've recently started up the habit of making my bed every morning. I've discovered that coming home from a long day of work to a clean and orderly room can be such a breath of fresh air. And for some reason, little life alterations like that excite me.

The best way I think about my life lately is analogous to that of an expectant mother. (Although the thought of being an actual mother makes me uncomfortable). But, basically, for nine months a woman will abandon juvenile habits and will put on a new lifestyle. Her mind and her heart will slowly and inherently blossom into something new. And in essence, she is a mother long before she holds the thing that she is a mother to.

That is kind of how I feel. The little things-- like my sudden keenness of making my bed every morning or having a grip on my finances or actively sustaining my important relationships despite how busy our lives get-- they are the incipient and necessary changes toward adulthood. I'm preparing myself on how to be an adult before being one... while being an adult during its process?

Just as a woman's life is completely changed once she becomes a mother, ideally it will be for the better. When I think about it like that, then it's almost silly to be fearful of growing up.

A likeness

There's a part of me that believes that my choice in close friends* renders a reflection of myself. The attitudes they hold and the values they promote align quite nicely with mine. For example, I like to put in hard work while pursuing my ambitions quietly and to myself. I like confident self-regard without the unsolicited self-promotion. I like to go off the grid with social networks but enjoy being physically and mentally present in my real-life conversations with people.  

And I've observed pretty much all of these characteristics in my friends. 

Am I adapting to them simply because of repetitive exposure? Or do I gravitate toward them due to the egocentric nature of humans where we like that which is like us? Who knows. And honestly who cares how it's happening. Because ultimately, the exchange is happening and ultimately I get to be positively influenced by these humble, intelligent, and driven friends of mine. 

*boyfriend included.

Last week in review: 0805-0809

• Going-away dinner for Ninay Belen and Lolo Frennie. I was really sad that they couldn't have stayed longer because they are such amazing company. There were numerous moments of their stay where I'd wonder to myself how they might have been like as a young couple. And every time I'd have the conclusive thought that their couple dynamic has persisted through the decades. They are remarkably jovial and indisputably in love with each other.  
• A regular at Peet's gave me a pair of earrings because he noticed I like to wear little accent studs. It was very random, but I found it also very sweet and thoughtful. (side note: honestly, I feel really lucky that I get to gain professional experience with my internship while keeping my gig at Peet's for a while longer. I work with and for some of the kindest and smartest people I will probably ever meet. I owe so much to this job... and not just because it has saved my ass from being both broke and bored.)
• My first day at my internship! The day went by really quickly because the patient visits were at a consistent flow. Everyone in the office was nice, especially the doctor I work directly with. It also helps that he's very avuncular.
• I went around North Park with some buddies for a night of drinking. I orchestrated this because I felt happy about getting my small but substantial internship and I figured I'd secretly elevate my happiness by surrounding myself with my dear friends. That night, I learned that some of my friends are making advancements of their own. It excites me that people I'm in the trenches with strive well and hard toward their goals. And three IPAs and two glasses of wine later, I gave an impassioned speech about how we should all get out of San Diego, haha. I mean, as gorgeous as this city is, it would be a disservice to ourselves and the rest of God's green earth to stay in our little corner of the globe. Not to mention, city chauvinists who haven't even been out of the city are embarrassing.

Miles' 5th birthday party!

He is so smart and charming and I am so enamored by him :)

Cheers!

Celebratory margarita from Paulo in honor of me landing a healthcare admin assistant internship.