I'm definite that there will be a certain point where working two jobs six days straight will take its toll, but for now it's energizing. Every once in a while, I get little vignettes of what a full-fledged life of independence could look like. For example, I've recently started up the habit of making my bed every morning. I've discovered that coming home from a long day of work to a clean and orderly room can be such a breath of fresh air. And for some reason, little life alterations like that excite me.
The best way I think about my life lately is analogous to that of an expectant mother. (Although the thought of being an actual mother makes me uncomfortable). But, basically, for nine months a woman will abandon juvenile habits and will put on a new lifestyle. Her mind and her heart will slowly and inherently blossom into something new. And in essence, she is a mother long before she holds the thing that she is a mother to.
That is kind of how I feel. The little things-- like my sudden keenness of making my bed every morning or having a grip on my finances or actively sustaining my important relationships despite how busy our lives get-- they are the incipient and necessary changes toward adulthood. I'm preparing myself on how to be an adult before being one... while being an adult during its process?
Just as a woman's life is completely changed once she becomes a mother, ideally it will be for the better. When I think about it like that, then it's almost silly to be fearful of growing up.
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